NEW WEEK....NEW JOYS....

THANK YOU for the overwhelming kindness you have shown me last week in prayers, comments, emails, phone calls re. the "mean mom comments." My heart is still hurt, but it's time to move on...You're RIGHT, I will not and cannot let ONE mean, unhappy lady bring us down...I have let time pass to NOT say what I REALLY want to say/ do to this mom and pray if/ when I see her in person, God will give me the right words.

We continue to be in awe of Maile, she is so sweet, funny and SASSY!!! She KNOWS what she wants and isn't very shy about telling us at times!!! GREAT to see her LAUGH and GIGGLE in person...she's got quite a personality, quite spunky and sassy when she wants to be, but so sweet and shy at times too!!!! She LOVES Joseph and looks forward to his arrival from school, Samuel...well, still working on him. He tries so hard but maybe his "goofy-ness" scares her??? She still YELLS when he gets too close, which only makes him laugh...and then he does it again to get the same, if not louder reaction!

Maile is even getting used to "Ba" (Daddy) again and she even reached out to him several times over the weekend and they played, walked around, read, etc... Bedtime, I usually put her down, but if she will not sleep and fidgets too much...she will reluntantly go with Daddy and she cries herself to sleep (in his arms) before heading to her crib. I pray she continues to attach to Daddy, it's "baby steps" and somedays are better than others. Same with GRANDMA, she is hot and cold with her depending on how happy, hungry, tired she may be....I have NOT left her at all since meeting her 5 weeks ago. She will NOT let anyone put her down for NAP TIME and cries if she doesn't see me when she wakes up from naps. Only a few times have I snuck upstairs while she was distracted with playing with Joseph. She will have to be at the DANCE studio with me when I return in May. I am THANKFUL she has attached to me...not sure if she believes I'm her FOREVER MOMMY, but at least she likes to be with me/ by my side!

I will end this entry on 10 WAYS I KNOW Maile is a GIRLY-GIRL :)

1. Maile plays with her purse that Aunt Michelle gave her & puts coupons in it!!!
2. Maile talks on her pretend (& Mommy's) CELL PHONE - puts it up to her EAR!
3. Maile LOVES to have GLITTER on like Mommy!
4. Maile opens her lips when I put my lip gloss on for her to have some on too!!!
5. Maile wipes her mouth & place setting when she spills
6. Maile struts her stuff, wagging her arms & elbows when she walks! Very Confident & Determined....
7. Maile points to her eyes & closes them to have put mascara on her eyes!
8. Maile puts on her socks & shoes by her self (usually the wrong feet :)) and is ready to go OUTSIDE!
9. Maile will POINT OUT in her closet which DRESS she wants to wear!
10. Maile KNOWS how to tell the Boys "NO!!!" with OUT saying a WORD!!! (You go girl, good for you!!)

Still cannot believe we have MAILE HOME forever, Kim-Lan

Heartbroken...

I am really angry, but more heartbroken, because of the realization of how MEAN some people can be...I am trying to shake the comments that ring in my head from this one dancer's mom that said the meanest comments to me regarding my baby girl last night! I will keep her name anonynmous, even tho' I KNOW she would not read my blog, but if she DID--she KNOWS who she is.

While I will NOT let one, MEAN spirited person still my JOY of my getting my SWEET BABY GIRL (that took us 2 years to get,) I just cannot believe a person can be so cruel to say that to a new mom who JUST ADOPTED!!! Her blurting out her ill-filled comments really shows me HER HEART (or lack of one.) It's like telling a NEW MOM who is 4 weeks post-partum who JUST DELIVERED a baby, "Your baby is UGLY!" It really hurt my heart and was totally uncalled for!!!

I feel sorry for this VERY UNHAPPY mom who had to throw such mean comments to me to have me stoop to her level...

I don't know what else to say...any suggestions, let me know...I feel like crawling into my shell. Now I wonder if anyone REALLY does care about our adoption and our baby girl!???

Sick to my stomach & with tears in my eyes, Kim-Lan

Happy Anniversary MOM & THANK YOU!!!!

3 generations of Girl Power & Adoption!!
Kim-Lan, her Mom ("Grandma Lizzy") & Maile together FOREVER!









Look at this silly girl, she's a HAM!!!

SUNDAY 15 APRIL 2007

I wanted to write a couple days ago celebrating the ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY of MEETING Maile for the first time in Ninh Thuan (Mar 13) and then OFFICIALLY getting her FOREVER (Mar 14)...and then TODAY, marks the ANNIVERSARY of ME coming to AMERICA, "Home of the Brave & Land of the Free..." I am deeply humbled and grateful, particularly this year since having Maile and knowing the POWERFUL GIFT of ADOPTION again!!!

I cannot believe how emotional & choked up I get reading the Vietnam Forum entries as Selah & Anna celebrated OFFICIALLY getting their adoption finalized in the U.S. gov't this past April 13!!!! I celebrate with them and completely understand that emotional RELIEF & JOY of knowing their babies are theirs FOREVER & "legal" now in the U.S. Government. It's hard to explain, those who have adopted, understand. While you LOVE, care for & know this baby God has hand-picked for your family is REAL, there are moments you cannot believe it's REALLY true or forever!?? How can something SO REAL and SO AMAZING in this littl' life be FOREVER MINE, are you sure???? I think I am still waiting for someone to pull the rug out from underneath me, or knock on my door or get "the phone call" and tell me there's been a mistake. EVERY littl' step of the G&R ceremony, landing on U.S. soil, ordering Maile's SSN, etc. helps me to think this is REALLY REAL!!! When we FINALIZE her adoption here in the U.S. (like the other families did 2 days ago), maybe I will know Maile Noel is FOREVER OURS!!!! I don't know, it's still so surreal to me to have wanted to ADOPT for YEARS, really pray and start looking into agencies 2 years ago...and start officially with Dillon Int'l SEPT. 1, 2005 and NOW, 18 mos. later of praying, paying and paperwork, WE HAVE OUR BABY GIRL!!!!!

I had a NIGHTMARE last night that still brings tears to my eyes, we lost Maile. I was at a High School for an informal "dress rehearsal" of some play or show...I had a couple lines and I was in the bathroom stall waiting to go on stage (weird, I know, but in the dream, it felt so real.) Maile was with me, always by my side for the first run & throughout the whole dream. Then when I got done with my 30 sec. part, I started looking for Maile and she was NOT there...not in the bathroom stall, no where!!! I was panicked, freaking out and frantically looking through the H.S., I do NOT know if I found her or where she was, but I then woke up!!! The dawn had broke and for a few seconds, I had to think "where am I?" "Did I just have a dream!?" "Where is Maile??" When I realized I was in my bed & she was NOT in bed with us, I jumped up & ran to her room. With a beating heart that was about to jump out of my chest I cautiously looked into her crib, and there she was...our littl' angel sleeping with the sunlight beaming off her bubble gum pink walls!!!! Oh thank you Jesus, for letting that dream NOT be real...praying it NEVER comes true either!!!! ugh....a Mother's WORST nightmare for any of her babies!!!

Just putting her down to bed tonight, singing her lullabies to sleep...tears were streaming down as I sang "Amazing Grace," "I stand in Awe of You, " & "You are my Sunshine..." I just kept singing, "Lord, please don't take my Maile away..." I have such a different outlook on ADOPTION now and think my MOM is even MORE AMAZING than before...My MOM is my HERO, she was a SINGLE mother (& with my Grandma Violet) adopted ME during the end of the Vietnam War when Saigon was falling!!! A single woman adopting in the 70's was unheard of and my mom was marching on unchartered territories!!! She took that "LEAP OF FAITH" on giving ONE littl' girl a NEW LIFE.....ME!!! I am proud to be ONE of THOSE babies from the "Baby Airlift Operation" - and now an American who has lived an amazing American DREAM...Boy, my heart is so full now having made a FULL CIRCLE back to my Homeland to bring home MY DAUGHTER!!!! "My cup runneth over... with JOY, LOVE & GRATITUDE."

So, I encourage anyone who reads this, LIVE the American Dream, you cannot believe the FREEDOM we have as Americans to work, prosper & give to others...take that LEAP OF FAITH! If there is something you have ALWAYS wanted to do, but too scared, Just DO IT!!! Keep lookin' up and pray, God will open or close doors if you trust Him to lead you!!! LOOK for the RAINBOW in the Storm...there will ALWAYS be people to bring you down, bad news on TV, negative comments and complaints, but if we seek the GOOD in people and offer random acts of Kindness, the blessings will come back to you, ten fold!!! Okay, off my soap box now, I just have so much LOVE in my heart and I wanted to share...Here's a littl' poem I wrote recently, celebrating the 3rd Generation of ADOPTION in our family.

"LOVE Circles Back"

*The Legacy began over 100 years ago, Kim-Lan's Mom adopted as the story is told...
*Kim-Lan adopted from VIETNAM into AMERICA: "Land of the Free"
*Destined to be Sandy's littl' girl for the world to see...
*Back to VIETNAM: Don & Kim-Lan adopted their newest angel from above!
*Celebrating Maile Noel Thuy Carlson - a Gift of God's LOVE!

Signing off to clean the house for our "1st Post Placement" visit TOMORROW- YIKES!!

Ms. Saigon

Look how far we've come in just 4 WEEKS!!!!

Yahoooooo, I finally got some pictures from our amazing adventures from seeing Maile for the FIRST TIME, 4 weeks ago TODAY (on March 13!!!) Wow, it feels like a LIFETIME ago already that we went from DFW to Seoul, then onto Saigon. Then a 7 hrs. trek to Ninh Thuan to get Maile and then back to Saigon! Then we flew to Hanoi then 4 hrs. drive to HaLong Bay & back to Hanoi. Finally we flew to Seoul onto HOME in DFW - all in 19 DAYS!!!!! Here are the MANY faces of Maile transitioning into our FOREVER FAMILY within the last 4 weeks!!!! What a whirlwhin experience for all of us...Now we are JUST BEGINNING to settle into "every day life." Maile is STILL VERY CLINGY to me, but doing amazingly well for all the CHANGES and MANY NEW FACES she has been introduced to.

I got teary-eyed driving with Maile today (2:09 PM CST) realizing it was literally 4 weeks ago to the day (not the DATE) that we were looking into those BIG dark brown eyes in person, for the FIRST time, at Ninh Thuan Orphanage in Vietnam. I had to call Heather from SC (my traveling buddy who got Rocco then). We talked briefly but was so good to hear her voice again. The family we shared tears, joy, laughter and memories of getting our babies together was on the other end of the line, miles and States away, but yet so close to our hearts! I wish desperately we could see Rocco grow up, his first steps, first words, b-day parties, etc...but it will have to be pictures for now. We were really blessed to share such an amazing journey together with this incredibly neat family getting their first born son as well. Wow, I am still in awe of how God orchestrates the most elaborate symphonies in life!

Maile is making BABY STEPS toward "Ba" again as she let him take her up to brush her teeth & even carry her to feed our neighbor's bunny last night :). She immediately wanted to find me but she DID let Daddy hold her again briefly. And, again tonight, she let Daddy carry her to feed the bunny :) and even for a littl' walk outside!!! It's those littl' sweet moments that SPARK the heart to dance with JOY!!! It was a beautiful night outside walking as a family, maybe 70's with wind blowing and that crisp, clean Spring scent in the air!! I still cannot believe I have 3 babies now!!! Thankfully, having a 2 years old will keep us young!?? or age me even more quickly, we'll see...I haven't turned grey yet (and I'm surprised with all the stress of waiting for this adoption to come to life!)

We'll update more as we transition home, thank you for sharing in our LOVE & JOY of bringing Maile Noel Thuy HOME FOREVER!!!!

Signing off, Ms. Saigon & baby girl sleeping on my lap right now :), Maile

4 Steps BACK - 1 Forward...

GOOD FRIDAY 06 April 2007 11:30pm (**THANK YOU Jesus for Dying on the cross for OUR sins for you to RISE again as we will celebrate your ressurection on EASTER SUNDAY! - John 3:16)

I have stolen a few moments ALONE with Maile sleeping in our bed to update you on her progress home. Maile continues to delight us in so many ways as she warms up to the boys, off and on and VERY quick to tell them when she does NOT want to play or if they are TOO close to her! She is GREAT at setting those "NO" boundaries and she GRUNTS "NO" and elbows them with her thai chi moves! I hope she keeps it up when she starts dating!!!

Unfortunately, Maile has regressed in her attachment with "Ba"...she has become VERY clingy to me again and when she cries says, "Ma...Ma...Ma..." I don't know if she REALLY knows I am her Mommy, but she has CLEARLY said, "MOMMY" several times (starting Wed. 04 April!) :) - of course, just melts my heart. She seems to be a parrot and really try to repeat some words we say with her, "Hello," "Good bye," "Daddy," "Thank You," etc...it's not audible but she is trying...she is VERY ALERT and takes it ALL in with those BIG DARK BROWN EYES!!!!! My goodness, I can SEE myself in her eyes (more ways than one.)

I was a littl' concerned with her "over friendly" reaching out to others, a gut feeling within I could not shake. As the hours/ days progressed, I could see that she almost immediately retreated from Don and seemed almost SCARED of him. She has LOST eye contact with him (which is NOT a good sign) and we almost feel like we are back to DAY 1 with her in building that bond with him again. It took a good 2 weeks in Vietnam withOUT distractions of big brothers and another other close family/ friends for Maile to finally reach out to Don, play with him & let him hold her. We pray it doesn't take that long again...she still refuses to let Don hold her, play, wash, change & dress her...BUT, she did let Don put lotion on her dried-as-prunes feet (poor baby) and feed her a little today---that is PROGRESS. It's ONE littl' baby step FORWARD...It's so hard on Don's heartstrings to see Maile reach out and then retreat again, back and forth...like a littl' TORTISE in & out of her shell.

Thankfully, she remains to stay close to my side, on my hip or right behind me. Her newest antics include pulling me out of my chair, leading me by ONE finger to the pantry to point to the DRIED APRICOTS that she has come to LOVE. Can you give a child TOO many dried apricots?? ugh...I'm not sure if the DIARREA she has had (over & over again yesterday) was a result from the dried apricots or too much (cow's) milk or other foods in her NEW American Diet!? Yikes, it's sooooo hard to have a BABY in a 2 yrs. old body...wanting to love and baby her and yet think she is a toddler...but really she is CLOSER to a 1 yr. old than a newborn or toddler. She is independent & VERY MUCH A SURVIVOR in many ways, yet so sweet, soft & needy as a baby in other ways. She can hold her own in telling us her needs, the problem lies the LANGUAGE barrier and communication skills to interpret what she is REALLY thinking/ feeling.

I do know that in reading more about "attachment with adoptions" that Maile REALLY doesn't know/ trust that we are HER FOREVER Mommy & Daddy. A normal 2 years old who has GROWN UP in a healthy, American family would be encouraged to seek others that parents trust & recommend as "friends/ family." A strong sense of belonging and trust that parents "know best" and are safe has already been established with the continuity of everyday life together for the first 2 years. However, in the ADOPTION of an older child, especially since Maile's birth mother gave her up at 18 mos. - she HAD that bond with her birth mother, only to learn later that she could NOT depend on that, trust or turn to her mom for safety...Not to mention she had at least 1/2 dozen caregivers in the orphanage that would meet her basic needs of "food & shelter." So WHY would she WANT to turn to me/ us as her new parents for love, trust & security??? So, when Maile GOES TO OTHERS, she is SEEKING COMFORT from whomever will give it and really DOES NOT have OUR TRUST & LOVE rooted into her heart, spirit & mind...It has been and will continue to be hard to tell closest family/ friends that it is in the BEST interest for Maile that NO ONE else hold her, feed her or care for other than Don or I. I know that is SOOOO hard to hear as much as it is for me to say it, because when a sweet baby girl reaches her arms up to you, all you want to do - with every fiber of your being- is PICK HER UP, hold her and love on her!!!! I KNOW instinctively that is what we want to do, especially being a "girl" and a "mother."

This sweet baby girl is soooo unique and precious to us as with all babies that go home to their FOREVER FAMILIES...all carrying a STORY behind the eyes that open wide to the new life they have been flung into (whether they REALLY wanted it or not.) Maile has had 18 mos. with her birth mother, then finally adjusted to her new life at the Orphanage, only to NOW be taken OUT of THAT comfort zone and flown 1/2 way around the world. She is NOW the foreigner listening to this babbling language that sounds funny, eating foods with strange textures & smells & so many over-stimulating sights & sounds. She is NOW where we WERE AT just weeks ago in Vietnam...longing to be back HOME in the comfort of family, friends & familiarity.

So, as Maile may grieve her "old" life and learns to attach to Don & I, we appreciate your prayers in this transition that I would NOT have guessed/ planned for. But, we will continue to LOVE her THROUGH it, there is NO other option...As Maile represents "love, honor & respect" in the tradition of Hawaiian leis for wedding ceremonies for a LIFETIME Commitment, we offer the SAME to her for our NEW commitment to HER for a LIFETIME.

So, as we may take 4 steps back and 1 forward, we KNOW God has hand picked this sweet baby girl for US and we are HONORED to be her FOREVER FAMILY.

Signing off for now to go snuggle with Maile as she sleeps with us (IN OUR BED), Ms. Saigon
--I KNOW that might be hard to believe for those who KNOW how Don has in the past insisted on babies being in their CRIBS...Maile remains to be WITH US in bed...ha ha.

Thank you for your prayers, support & love, we need them...we love you!
Kim-Lan, her 3 boys and NOW & FOREVER with us, Maile Noel Thuy

Can I order a SUPER SIZE dose of SLEEP, please??

02 April 2007...Monday 2:30AM

Sleep does not come easy still nowadays...The bedtime routine seems to be snuggling together in our bed while Maile nurses on her bottle and then we both doze off. Around 10-11pm or so when I wake up with her, I try to put her down in her crib and sneak the bottle away from her. If that is successful then I tip toe out of the room and try to return back to sleep myself...However, I have found myself reeling with all the things I need to do, bills to pay, people to call, documents to prepare...I am exhausted and yet my mind is awake, never a good combination...I am not feeling well, my stomach is upset and ironically I've returned to "American foods."

Monday 9:12AM - I had to stop the last entry and go to bed. I was really feeling sick, neauseated, chills and diarrea coming on...charming huh??? PLEASE pray for rest and restoration for my body & family...we are all so exhausted and unable to think clearly. Don has been working from home and NOT coming to bed at a decent hour and last night when he finally came to bed for the first time being home at 1am, I then got up...returned back around 4am. Maile woke up crying about 4:30am and then in bed with us until we got up to start our day around 7:30am and I'm already for my PM nap!!!! ugh....

**MAILE MOMENTS** continue to flourish and yesterday's highlights included going OUTSIDE. She LOVES the outdoors, points to the stroller and then to the front door...We went around the neighborhood yesterday AM and again in the PM. Last night she repeatedly ran to the front door and then back to me by the steps giggling...We LOVE to watch her find amusement over the littlest things that do NOT even require batteries!!! **Maile even HELD Joseph's hand to GO UP STAIRS last night. That was a leap of progress from the GRUNTS of "NO!" that we've heard from her for "Ba" and the "boys." Joseph has repeatedly loved on Maile, touched her, talk to her, offer her cheerios, etc...and I know that encouraged his heart last night when she LET him hold her hand going up/ down stairs for safety! **Maile meltdown: cries and cries...when she is OVER stimulated and exhausted (like her Mommy), she cries and just wants to be held. Thankfully we left our first gathering at Michelle's house just in time before "THE MELTDOWN" yesterday. She did SO WELL :) smiling and interacting with Michelle's family for Jeremy's 1st b-day party!!! But, by the time we got home...she was crying unconsoleably until she fell asleep on my chest. We were knocked out on the sofa, actually Daddy was sleeping upstairs and Maile sleeping on my chest on the sofa & Joseph napping on the other end of the sofa!! We woke up with Alisha & Lily knocking on the door to bring dinner and we were so out of it...You know those foggy moments where it feels like an outer-body experience and going through the motions...sllllooowwwlllyy!?

We are going to venture out and run to the store now...she does VERY WELL in the car seat and enjoys looking out & singing in Vietnamese. So, we'll see...thank you for your prayers and friendship. We are so excited to share this NEW LITTLE LIFE with you as she LIGHTS up our LIVES!!! To Him be all the glory!

Signing of for now...Ms. Saigon & Ms. Princess, Maile