4 Steps BACK - 1 Forward...

GOOD FRIDAY 06 April 2007 11:30pm (**THANK YOU Jesus for Dying on the cross for OUR sins for you to RISE again as we will celebrate your ressurection on EASTER SUNDAY! - John 3:16)

I have stolen a few moments ALONE with Maile sleeping in our bed to update you on her progress home. Maile continues to delight us in so many ways as she warms up to the boys, off and on and VERY quick to tell them when she does NOT want to play or if they are TOO close to her! She is GREAT at setting those "NO" boundaries and she GRUNTS "NO" and elbows them with her thai chi moves! I hope she keeps it up when she starts dating!!!

Unfortunately, Maile has regressed in her attachment with "Ba"...she has become VERY clingy to me again and when she cries says, "Ma...Ma...Ma..." I don't know if she REALLY knows I am her Mommy, but she has CLEARLY said, "MOMMY" several times (starting Wed. 04 April!) :) - of course, just melts my heart. She seems to be a parrot and really try to repeat some words we say with her, "Hello," "Good bye," "Daddy," "Thank You," etc...it's not audible but she is trying...she is VERY ALERT and takes it ALL in with those BIG DARK BROWN EYES!!!!! My goodness, I can SEE myself in her eyes (more ways than one.)

I was a littl' concerned with her "over friendly" reaching out to others, a gut feeling within I could not shake. As the hours/ days progressed, I could see that she almost immediately retreated from Don and seemed almost SCARED of him. She has LOST eye contact with him (which is NOT a good sign) and we almost feel like we are back to DAY 1 with her in building that bond with him again. It took a good 2 weeks in Vietnam withOUT distractions of big brothers and another other close family/ friends for Maile to finally reach out to Don, play with him & let him hold her. We pray it doesn't take that long again...she still refuses to let Don hold her, play, wash, change & dress her...BUT, she did let Don put lotion on her dried-as-prunes feet (poor baby) and feed her a little today---that is PROGRESS. It's ONE littl' baby step FORWARD...It's so hard on Don's heartstrings to see Maile reach out and then retreat again, back and forth...like a littl' TORTISE in & out of her shell.

Thankfully, she remains to stay close to my side, on my hip or right behind me. Her newest antics include pulling me out of my chair, leading me by ONE finger to the pantry to point to the DRIED APRICOTS that she has come to LOVE. Can you give a child TOO many dried apricots?? ugh...I'm not sure if the DIARREA she has had (over & over again yesterday) was a result from the dried apricots or too much (cow's) milk or other foods in her NEW American Diet!? Yikes, it's sooooo hard to have a BABY in a 2 yrs. old body...wanting to love and baby her and yet think she is a toddler...but really she is CLOSER to a 1 yr. old than a newborn or toddler. She is independent & VERY MUCH A SURVIVOR in many ways, yet so sweet, soft & needy as a baby in other ways. She can hold her own in telling us her needs, the problem lies the LANGUAGE barrier and communication skills to interpret what she is REALLY thinking/ feeling.

I do know that in reading more about "attachment with adoptions" that Maile REALLY doesn't know/ trust that we are HER FOREVER Mommy & Daddy. A normal 2 years old who has GROWN UP in a healthy, American family would be encouraged to seek others that parents trust & recommend as "friends/ family." A strong sense of belonging and trust that parents "know best" and are safe has already been established with the continuity of everyday life together for the first 2 years. However, in the ADOPTION of an older child, especially since Maile's birth mother gave her up at 18 mos. - she HAD that bond with her birth mother, only to learn later that she could NOT depend on that, trust or turn to her mom for safety...Not to mention she had at least 1/2 dozen caregivers in the orphanage that would meet her basic needs of "food & shelter." So WHY would she WANT to turn to me/ us as her new parents for love, trust & security??? So, when Maile GOES TO OTHERS, she is SEEKING COMFORT from whomever will give it and really DOES NOT have OUR TRUST & LOVE rooted into her heart, spirit & mind...It has been and will continue to be hard to tell closest family/ friends that it is in the BEST interest for Maile that NO ONE else hold her, feed her or care for other than Don or I. I know that is SOOOO hard to hear as much as it is for me to say it, because when a sweet baby girl reaches her arms up to you, all you want to do - with every fiber of your being- is PICK HER UP, hold her and love on her!!!! I KNOW instinctively that is what we want to do, especially being a "girl" and a "mother."

This sweet baby girl is soooo unique and precious to us as with all babies that go home to their FOREVER FAMILIES...all carrying a STORY behind the eyes that open wide to the new life they have been flung into (whether they REALLY wanted it or not.) Maile has had 18 mos. with her birth mother, then finally adjusted to her new life at the Orphanage, only to NOW be taken OUT of THAT comfort zone and flown 1/2 way around the world. She is NOW the foreigner listening to this babbling language that sounds funny, eating foods with strange textures & smells & so many over-stimulating sights & sounds. She is NOW where we WERE AT just weeks ago in Vietnam...longing to be back HOME in the comfort of family, friends & familiarity.

So, as Maile may grieve her "old" life and learns to attach to Don & I, we appreciate your prayers in this transition that I would NOT have guessed/ planned for. But, we will continue to LOVE her THROUGH it, there is NO other option...As Maile represents "love, honor & respect" in the tradition of Hawaiian leis for wedding ceremonies for a LIFETIME Commitment, we offer the SAME to her for our NEW commitment to HER for a LIFETIME.

So, as we may take 4 steps back and 1 forward, we KNOW God has hand picked this sweet baby girl for US and we are HONORED to be her FOREVER FAMILY.

Signing off for now to go snuggle with Maile as she sleeps with us (IN OUR BED), Ms. Saigon
--I KNOW that might be hard to believe for those who KNOW how Don has in the past insisted on babies being in their CRIBS...Maile remains to be WITH US in bed...ha ha.

Thank you for your prayers, support & love, we need them...we love you!
Kim-Lan, her 3 boys and NOW & FOREVER with us, Maile Noel Thuy